The Last Time
by kaira-flowrite
Summary: Leaving Holmes was never easy...   HolmesXWatson  Songfic


**The Last Time**

Holmes acted like he thought it was so easy for him. Behaved as though Watson didn't care at all, like it was so simple for him just to get married and walk right out of his life...Like abandoning the needy detective was that easy...but there was so much more behind it that it seemed even a great mind like Holmes' just couldn't comprehend...

Holmes had once again shut himself away in his room...Watson secretly suspected- though would never speak such- that Holmes was trying to run away from the fact that Watson would soon no longer be here. Be his...But all he was doing was worrying the Doctor and severly aggrivating him...

_For so long I've tried. _

_Could not close my eyes. _

_When you became an outcast in this life. _

"Holmes, really! You're being childish!" The doctor sighed, staring at the wood of Holmes' door blankly. He received no response...again. He laid his hand flat against the wood and tried not to sound angry. "Love...please...come out, now...you've been holed up in that room for far too long..." There was the sound of something glass being hurled at the door, which shattered loudly, to which the doctor jumped, Followed by Holmes shouting. "Don't you call me that! Don't patronize me like your little _Fiance_!" He spat the word 'fiance' with a bitter, venomous tone. Watson blanched... "Holmes, stop it...now you're just being ridiculous. unlock this door..." He said the statement with finality, he knew Holmes caught it- but still the door did not budge.

_Again and again I try_

_to understand the demons inside your head, _

_but the truth is you love them to death_

He resigned, worn and hurt, with a sigh and backed from the door slightly..."alright, Holmes, you win..." He went and slumped into his armchair, and sat for a long, long while in total silence...He knew what Holmes must be doing right now...A cold hate spread into him and it chilled him to the bone. those damnable _drugs_...

_Now, I know it's the last time I have tried _

_to lift you up to make you fight. _

Those damn drugs that his love wasted his life away with. normally, the thought of he needle embedded in Holmes arm made a vile loathing fill his chest. But not now...now it made him mourn. He was losing the one he loved to his addiction and Holmes couldn't see it. Holmes couldn't see the reason Watson was leaving and so he resorted more and more to the needle and cocaine everyday...He tried...he tried so hard to make Holmes stop...to convince him...but clearly nothing would make him give up his vice...clearly, Watson wasn't worth it...

_Nothing is ever easy in life. _

_I can't change it if you don't have the will deep inside. _

He wished he could claim Holmes had tried, but he couldn't even say that...Anytime the doctor brought the subject up, Holmes averted it slyly...it infuriated the man to no end...he couldn't even talk to the detective about it! Not even the slightest chance! With a pained sigh, he looked at the door. Everything had long since gone silent and midnight was well passed...He approached the door silently. "holmes..." there was a slight shuffle, but no measurable response. Watson stood for a while before, once again, resigning. "alright, goodnight, Sherlock.." watson retired to his room.

_I have been blind to how you justify _

_everything that you've wasted in this life. _

He'd only been asleep for three hours at most when something awoke him. It took him a long while to figure out what it was, Holmes was standing in the doorway, just watching silently..."Holmes...?" Watson sat up on his elbows. Holmes stared at him with hollow eyes, pleading, begging eyes... "holmes..." In the dark, Watson could still make out the dark circles around his eyes. His face sagged with exhaust and his eyes were bloodshot, nose red...it didn't take a genius to deduce that Holmes had been crying. Watsons features relaxed and softened...Holmes fidgeted nervously, blankets drapped over his shoulder, hugged over his body...So childish he seemed now, innocent...breakable...Watson nodded to the bed, for Holmes to come lay with him, and the detective did, worming his way into the doctors arms and nuzzling close, Watson held him. It was these simple moments when Watson would believe that they might have something real...might have a chance...

_Got lost in the illusion, _

_I'd find a solution for the demons in your head, _

_but the truth is you love them to death. _

But the cold reminder is always there. He holds Holmes close and burries his face in his hair gently while Holmes clung to him.. "don't..." He whispered so quietly Watson thought he could have imagined it. "what..?" "don't do it..." The words were muffled by the detective burying his face into the doctors chest. "Holmes...we've already talked about this I-" "please!" He cried, clinging and shaking like a frightened child. "...Holmes..." "please, Watson, please don't go, don't leave me!" Watsons heart stuttered...the proud detective was crying like a toddler, and begging pittifully for watson not to abandon him. Holmes was humilitating himself for this...

_Now, I know it's the last time I have tried _

_to lift you up to make you fight. _

"I..." Holmes wouldn't lift his head. Wouldn't look at Watson. "Hush...for right now i'm not going anywhere..." Holmes wasn't content with this...but he didn't argue, just clung to the doctor like he was going to be dropped into a vat of toxic waste...and watson just held him...

_Nothing is ever easy in life. _

_I can't change it if you don't have the will deep inside. _

Leaving Holmes wasn't easy. Watson had never thought it would be...not even for a moment. He loved this crazy bastard more than oxygen...But Holmes was killing himself slowly and Watson couldn't watch that...Holmes would never understand his reasons...would never know how terribly it tore Watson up to watch Holmes break in half...all because of him. Holmes could blame everything on the doctor. Watson had thought he would have...but rather, Holmes blamed himself. He hated and loated everthing he did and didn't do...

_You can blame and you can hide _

_behind what is wrong and what is right. _

The day of the wedding came too quickly. Holmes a wreck and Watson wearing the biggest smile he ever could have worn, though his best man stood with a breaking heart behind him. When the "best-man" presented the ring, Watson saw something different in those wonderous eyes. He saw something break. something desperate and real and very much alive, died...right there before him where Watson could see, He watched Holmes heart wither away and die...

_Life is the choices we make _

_I hope you'll awake before it's too late. _

Holmes wore a look of resignation when he brought the ring forth that resembled a man sent to be hanged, accepting that his life was coming to an end...and when he looked at Watson, he seemed to be pleading, one final time, to spare him his sentance...

_Now, I know it's the last time I have tried _

_to lift you up to make you fight. _

For a split second, The doctor froze. He couldn't move or speak...He knew that Holmes would never change, simply loving this man was not enough to spare his life, Holmes would not bend...A life with Mary had sustence and chance and a future...Holmes carried death, and regret...He let his last, regretful look fill those eyes as though trying to fill a gaping chasm of darkness...and accepted the ring.

_Nothing is ever easy in life. _

_I can't change it if you don't have the will deep inside. _


End file.
